When you were a child you saw life through the lens of childhood and interpreted events from an innocent perspective. Without realizing it you may have attached a certain meaning or definition to that event. Over time those definitions might have become part of who you were and how you viewed yourself. Additionally these definitions may have served to sabotage your relationships with others around you.
If, for example you witnessed your father telling your beautiful mother that she was fat, ugly and he would divorce her if she didn't lose x amount of weight within a certain time frame you might have decided that being "fat" made a person unloveable and not good enough. For the rest of your life you might have struggled with weight, developed unhealthy attitudes towards food, and even come to despise anyone that was "overweight". With any extra pound gained the reminder that you weren't good enough because of how much you weigh might have created a sinking feeling of despair leading to harmful behaviors as well as rejection of real love. Do you see how events can effect you when you attach meaning to them?
The truth is that events only have the meanings that we give them. As mature adults, we can sometimes get stuck in a negative feedback loop, sabotaging our success and relationships if we do not have the courage to redefine the events of our past.
How could we redefine the example above?
As an adult you could speak to your inner child and explain that your father had some real issues, right?
All kidding aside, realizing that people aren't perfect and have their own problems can be an important first step in letting go of any unhealthy meanings you may have attached to events that involved other people. Replacing unhealthy thoughts such as, "I'm not enough because I am 'fat'" with positive thoughts such as, "I am enough." without the tag line can help to transform the way you feel about yourself and as a result, your behavior. It can also help you redefine yourself and what you thought you were based on the meanings you attached to past events.
The first step outlined above involves compassion and a willingness to forgive and let go. The second step requires diligence and self-compassion. If you can do both steps you are on your way to a much better life.
On a personal note, I have applied this to every negative experience I have ever had in my life. Our minds are very simple and these steps can help to set you free from a lifetime of limiting beliefs no matter where they came from. Trust me, they work.
If you are looking for help to re-define your life or create a vision for your future, I would like to help you. I specialize in helping people maximize their potential, achieve goals and obtain balance in the areas of health, spirituality, career/finances and relationships. We all want to live our best life and I believe I can help. Reach out to me at yournextbestlife.com or email me today for the start of your next best life.
Sarah Rezonzew is a Holistic Health & Life coach specializing in online and in person coaching, helping people achieve growth, attain their goals and obtain balance in the areas of health, spirituality, career/finances and relationships. Her website offers resources and courses dealing with these four areas and subcategories such as weight loss, fertility, joyful living, personal development, personal growth, healthy communication and more. You can reach her by visiting her website Your Next Best Life or by emailing her at firstname.lastname@example.org